On Friday I found myself reading a list online called 10 Genius Beauty Tips. Number 9 was what to do if you see your ex with his new girlfriend in the supermarket and you aren't wearing any makeup. This is what I learned: I should quickly duck aside, pinch my cheeks to get them pink and flushed, bite my own lips and kind of slobber on them to produce a sheeny pout, then flip my hair several times, really enthusiastically to produce a sexy "bed head" effect. Then waltz up and say hello.
This was all very helpful as I had to meet my ex's new girlfriend on Saturday and be brave and pretend everything was normal in front of my three year old... Here is an alternate list: Slap yourself silly. Pull out some hair to make yours eyes really bright and shiny and cheeks flushed and hair chicly asymmetrical. Ask homeless man and bored homeboy to chase you the entire way there so you will look really skinny and desired when you arrive. Try screaming while being chased as this will produce a sexy throaty sounding voice. Then waltz up and say hello.
It worked great! I even found a cute little hat to cover the bald spot afterwards.
Note: This photo is not mine, nor do I know who it belongs to
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